She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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