New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
