You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
