i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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