He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
