To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
