i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
