If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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