you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
