It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
