thus making me awesome and them whores
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
