well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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