GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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