..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
