I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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