The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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