Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
