dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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