Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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