This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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