he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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