He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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