Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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