Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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