I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
