Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
