dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
