i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sponge bath it is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
