the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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