Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
