using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
