Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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