In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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