Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
