Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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