Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
