he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
