One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
