So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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