Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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