Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
