Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
