My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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