I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
