I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
