if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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