You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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