Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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