I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
