i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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