btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
