So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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