Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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