All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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