I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
