He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
