can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I want a musical about memes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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