I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
