Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
