had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
