Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
