then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
