i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
