Kiss
Puke
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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